How to get a restraining order step by step

First things first: not all restraining orders are the same. The type you’ll need depends on your situation. For example, if you’re dealing with domestic violence from a partner or family member, you’ll probably want a domestic violence restraining order. If it’s a stranger or someone you don’t live with—like a coworker or neighbor—you might need a civil harassment restraining order. Some states also have specific orders for stalking or elder abuse. A quick Google search like “[your state] restraining order types” should point you in the right direction. If you’re unsure, local domestic violence hotlines (like the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE) can help you figure it out. They’re free, confidential, and used to answering these kinds of questions.

Before you file, you’ll need to prove why you need the restraining order. This means collecting any evidence that shows the person’s threatening or abusive behavior. Think texts, emails, voicemails, photos of injuries or damaged property, or even screenshots of social media posts. If there were witnesses—like a neighbor who heard yelling or a friend who saw bruises—write down their names and contact info. Police reports are gold here, so if you’ve called the cops before, get copies of those reports. The more specific you can be, the better. Instead of saying, “They’re scary,” write down exact dates, times, and what happened. For example: “On June 5th at 8 PM, they showed up at my apartment uninvited and yelled, ‘I’ll make you pay for this.’” Judges need concrete details to grant orders, so don’t hold back.

Now it’s time to fill out the forms. You can usually find these online through your state or county’s court website—just search “[your county] restraining order forms.” If you’re not sure where to look, your local courthouse can point you in the right direction. The forms will ask for basic info about you and the person you’re filing against, plus details about why you need the order. Be as thorough as possible. If you’re nervous about filling them out alone, don’t worry—many courthouses have advocates or legal aid clinics that can help for free. Some domestic violence shelters also offer assistance with paperwork. If you’re really stuck, you can even call the court clerk and ask for guidance. They deal with this stuff every day and can walk you through it.

Once your paperwork’s ready, you’ll need to file it at the courthouse. This usually means taking it to the clerk’s office and paying a fee—but don’t let that stop you. If money’s tight, ask about a fee waiver. Most courts will let you file for free if you can’t afford it. After you file, the clerk will give your forms to a judge, who’ll decide whether to grant a temporary restraining order (TRO). This is a short-term order that lasts until your court hearing, which is usually scheduled within a few weeks. If the judge approves the TRO, they’ll set a date for a full hearing where both you and the other person can tell your sides of the story. The clerk will give you copies of the TRO and info about your hearing date. Keep these safe—they’re your proof that the order’s in place.

Here’s the part that trips up a lot of people: the restraining order isn’t official until the other person’s been served—meaning they’ve been officially given a copy of the paperwork. You can’t do this yourself. Instead, you’ll need to have someone else (who’s at least 18 and not involved in the case) hand it to them. This could be a friend, a process server (someone you pay to do this), or even a sheriff’s deputy. Some courts will serve the papers for free if you ask. Once the papers are served, the server will fill out a Proof of Service form and file it with the court. This is super important—if the other person isn’t served, the judge can’t move forward with your case. If you’re worried about the other person avoiding service, talk to the court clerk. They might have tricks, like serving them at work or through certified mail.

Your court hearing is your chance to explain why you need the restraining order to be permanent (or at least longer-term). This can feel scary, but remember: the judge’s job is to keep people safe. Bring all your evidence—texts, photos, police reports, and any witnesses who can back you up. Practice what you’ll say beforehand. Stick to the facts and keep it clear. For example: “On July 10th, they followed me to work and waited outside my office for two hours.” If you’re nervous, write down what you want to say and read from your notes. You can also bring a support person, like a friend or advocate from a domestic violence shelter. If the other person shows up and tries to argue, stay calm. The judge will give you both a chance to speak, but they’re trained to handle these situations. If you’re worried about safety, let the court know ahead of time. Some courthouses have security measures, like separate waiting areas.

On the day of your hearing, bring everything you’ve prepared. The judge will listen to both sides and decide whether to grant the restraining order. If they do, they’ll issue a permanent restraining order (which usually lasts 1-5 years, depending on your state) or extend your temporary one. If they don’t, ask why—they might give you a chance to fix something and come back. Once the order’s in place, make sure you understand what it covers. For example, does it say the other person can’t contact you or your family? Can’t come within 100 feet of your home? Keep a copy of the order with you at all times, and give copies to places like your work, your kid’s school, or your landlord. If the other person violates the order, call the police immediately. Violations are serious, and the police can arrest them. Finally, take care of yourself. Getting a restraining order is a big step, and it’s okay to feel relieved, exhausted, or even a little shaky afterward.

A restraining order is a powerful tool, but it’s not a magic shield. It’s important to have a safety plan in case the other person ignores it. Start by letting people you trust know about the order—friends, family, neighbors, coworkers. Give them a copy of the order and a photo of the person, so they know who to watch out for. Change up your routine. If you always stop at the same coffee shop on your way to work, switch it up. If you’re worried about being followed, ask a friend to walk you to your car. Consider getting a security system for your home or a doorbell camera. If you have kids, talk to their school about the order and make sure they know not to release them to the other person. And if you ever feel unsafe, don’t hesitate to call the police. They’d rather check on you than have something bad happen. Finally, lean on your support system. Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or just a friend who’ll listen, don’t go through this alone.